1. What is a marshmallow's favorite classification system?
The gooey decimal system!
2. Sign over Circulation Desk: Bookie!
3. Why did the farmer take his animals to the library?
Because the chickens kept saying, "Book, book, book!"
4. What building has the most stories?
The LIBRARY!!!
5. Q: how many librarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (in terrified voice) CHANGE!!!!!!!!
6. What do librarians hang over their babies' cribs?
Book Mobiles
7. Guy walks up to a girl in a bar and says:
"Man I hope I have my library card on me, because I'm checking you out!"
8. Guy to female librarian:
“you have a great rack…and I’m not just talking periodicals.”
9. "You see, I don't believe that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence and that's been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians." Monty Python Gorilla Librarian skit
10. "That kid has so many issues he needs a magazine rack."
11. A chicken walks into a library, and up to the desk.
The librarian asks, "May I help you?"
"[chicken sound - but sounds more like BOOK]," says the chicken.
"You'd like a book?" asks the librarian.
"BOOK!" says the chicken. So the librarian hands the chicken a book, the chicken tucks the book under his wing, and walks out the door.
The next day, the same chicken walks into the library, and up to the desk.
"BOOK! BOOK!" says the chicken.
"You'd like a book?" asks the librarian.
"BOOK! BOOK!" says the chicken.
"Oh! You'd like 2 books?" asks the librarian.
The chicken nods his head. So the librarian hands the chicken a book, the chicken tucks the books under his wing, and walks out the door.
The next day, the same chicken walks into the library, and up to the desk.
"BOOK! BOOK! BOOK!" says the chicken.
"You'd like a book?" asks the librarian.
"BOOK! BOOK! BOOK!" says the chicken.
"Oh! You'd like 3 books?" asks the librarian.
The chicken nods his head.
So the librarian hands the chicken a book, the chicken tucks the books under his wing, and walks out the door.
Very curious, the librarian decides to find out what is really going on, and follows the chicken. He watches the chicken walk down the street, through the park, and over to the pond. As the librarian parts the tall grass, he sees a large bullfrog sitting on a lily pad. The chicken takes the books from under his wing and hands them to the frog.
“BOOK?” asks the chicken.
“READ-IT!” says the frog. (Yes, that last part is mean to sound like “RIBBIT!”)
12. Q: How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 643.7
13. When you keep an edgy book off the shelves, that's censorship. When you keep a funny book off, that's mirth control.
Compiled by:
Adelle Leise
Youth Services Librarian I
Tompkins County Public Library, NY